The Black Dog…

It strikes you like a mallet…it comes from nowhere, it needs no reason. You can be at the happiest point life could place you & it knocks you out…all you can do is wait.

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Going home…

Well, Charlotte & Holly are on their way home! The last few days have been so stressful! Charlotte had to have a c-section in the end, not a good ending to a very, very long labour! Sunday @ 4:30am they first went to the hospital. After being sent home once it was decided @ 11:30am on Monday…such a shame to go as far as Charlotte did, to then have to face a major operation! I was in shock, for some reason I just didn’t expect this.

She has done SO well! My daughter is one tough little cooky. She even got by on paracetamol for pain relief for a while!!! I’m not happy with the way things have gone @ the hospital, but will keep it to myself…Charlotte wouldn’t thank me if I stirred things up. They should be home now, I bet they are all tired. The next few weeks will be difficult, but things will settle & all will be well,  just hope that I’m allowed to be part of the process.

Holly Sophia Craig

Saturday 12th May 2012

Why the date as a title? Because every day waiting for Holly’s birth feels like a date in all its glory! We now have to wait until Charlotte’s next visit with her mid-wife on Wednesday 16th May 2012: there’s that full date again! Then something called a membrane scan will be done to try to start labour…I have no idea what it is! I will google it later.

After that, we play the waiting game. If the membrane scan doesn’t work it seems they leave you to go twelve days over your due date now, not two weeks, twelve days! I thought it was ten days, then I worked out that was a Saturday so may be they add the two on at weekend!

Whatever the reason, we have to be patient for a little while longer! I only hope I get to see her as soon after she is born as possible. I would love to be at her birth but know my daughter well enough to know it’s not what she’d want! I think they plan to enjoy it as a couple, meeting

And so to bed…

 their first-born together…as it probably should be. My job is to wait a few steps back, wait to be invited in yet also make it clear that I’m here if needed & have lots of knowledge to pass on! I must be a good mum…just look at my two daughters!!!

May the fourth be with you!

May is here at last! And now we just count down the days as we await the arrival of Holly! They say first babies are generally late, so that gives us two weeks after her due date…any time between now & 23rd May! Can I wait that long? Got no choice. I’ve been trying to remember what it is like to know you are about to give birth, but I can’t. The female brain is a wonderful thing, it manages to erase the pain & discomfort of both pregnancy & birth! That is a good job really, or there would be no second or subsequent children! I’ve been trying to feel how Charlotte must be feeling so I can both share the experience with her & help her…but no matter how hard I try those pre birth feelings will not come back! It is a path she must travel alone, with Stephen’s help.

I envy her that part, having the presence of her partner. I still wish Albert had attended the birth of his daughters; but his choice was not to do so. He doesn’t feel that he’s missed out on anything, but I do. There again having your husband (as partners were called in those days!) at the birth was a new thing in 1974. By the time Charlotte was born in 1979 it was more common, but I didn’t meet one mum who had her husband there…so maybe I should just let it go!

Albert is getting really nervous, everything I do is annoying him! I know I am annoying, but the real reason for his stress is worrying about Charlotte, I don’t think he realises this! His role as father, protector is being tested to the limits! I know he is very fond of Stephen, but it must be hard for him to pass over the well-being of his youngest daughter to another man…these are my thoughts, Albert has said nothing about it, but I know him so well! (Good title for a song?!)

Oh well I think that’s enough for now. Paula & Albert back from shopping…I wonder what’s for tea???